This Silence is Mine
by Imperial-sama
Summary: 2p!talia verse. If you love something, you had to let it go. Isn't that how the saying always went? China reflects on his feelings for Japan, and how everything went wrong. Onesided 2p!China/2p!Japan


**Who wants more angsty 2p nations? Anyway, I wrote this story with another one line prompt and the prompt was as follows: **

**"If you love something, you had to let it go." **

**That being said, this story isn't going to end on a happy note. As always, since these are the 2p nations, they will not be the same as their 1p counterparts.**

**Important note: I actually gave names to the 2p nations in this one! 2p!China is Cao and 2p!Japan is Kuroi. These names are by no way official names or anything. They're just my headcanons really. A lot of my 2p nations stories are filled with my headcanons.**

**WARNINGS: Brief mention of implied Opium addiction and World War 2.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia. **

This Silence is Mine

If you love something, you had to let it go.

Isn't that how the saying always went?

Cao sighed, taking another puff from his cigar as he leaned back in the chair he was sitting on. Yes, that was how the saying always went, right?

If you love _someone _you have to let them go.

Cao tsked, scowling. Of course, no one ever told him that it was so painful to let someone go. He took another puff from his cigarette, thinking about _him_ again.

Of course, the _him _he was referring too went by the name of Kuroi Honda, his country name being the Empire of Japan. Lately, Cao couldn't stop thinking about the other Asian nation, the thoughts forming a massive cloud of anxiety and rage inside of his mind.

It was really hard to describe what he felt for Kuroi, and lately much of his free time was spent trying to define the feeling he had for his former little brother. He supposed it was a combination of different feelings and emotions.

Cao supposed he should start from the beginning.

When he first saw Kuroi, the Japanese man was a Japanese child in the middle of a bamboo forest. Kuroi was all alone with no parents around or anything. Cao supposed it made sense, since Kuroi is indeed a nation. At first Cao tried to avoid the small child, feeling unconfident in his own care taking abilities because of his history.

However, since he was born with a conscience, Cao didn't even make it ten measly steps before going back and introducing himself to the small child.

Even as a child, Kuroi had awful manners, calling Cao the land where the sun sets.

"Stupid, disrespectful brat." Cao mumbled, his eyebrows furrowing.

However, although Kuroi was rude, he wasn't stupid. After he called Cao the land where the sun sets, he followed the Chinese man home and from there on, the two were brothers.

Or at least that's what Kuroi called them. _Nii-san _he had called him. Whatever the hell that was. Cao wasn't quite sure he could trust Kuroi's translation. Yeah, Kuroi should have the most knowledge about his own language and all, but Cao was never sure if he was lying or not.

Now that he thought about it, Kuroi never did smile in his childhood. He did laugh once in a while, but when Kuroi did laugh it was always at Cao's expense.

Like when Cao slipped on his way down some stairs and broke his arm. Kuroi had laughed about that for weeks, imitating the surprised shriek Cao made when he slipped down the stairs.

Damn, Kuroi was such an asshole when he was a child.

Still, there were some good points in their time together.

Like when Kuroi made his own writing system.

Even though Kuroi did reject his teachings about the Chinese writing system, Cao couldn't help but feel a sense of pride when Kuroi started acting independent. Creating his own writing system was a sign of that developing independence and Cao didn't feel like it was problem at the time.

Hell, Cao had nurtured Kuroi's growing independence. He figured that eventually the younger Asian would be on his own, so why not help him with the skills he would need to be a successful nation? Perhaps that was his first mistake.

Kuroi was never really clingy as a child, he preferred to to most tasks by himself and even when he couldn't do a task, he refused help until he completely gave up and asked for it. Maybe by holding independence over his head, Cao only widened the rift between them.

The only time Kuroi really did openly ask for help was when he needed a sparring partner to hone his swordsmanship. Of course, like a naive idiot, Cao assisted him with his fighting skills as well. Cao was too arrogant for his own good back then. He never thought that the younger Asian would surpass him in skill or beat him in a fight.

Of course, like many things, Cao's arrogance came back to bite him in the ass. Eventually, Kuroi did declare his independence, but instead of calmly accepting it like any other nation would have done, Cao turned the declaration into an angry shouting match.

Cao groaned, running a hand through his hair as he desperately tried to forget about the ugly names and the horrible things he said to Kuroi. Sure, Cao didn't exactly like Kuroi too much, but the things he said that day were some of the words he regretted the most. Of course, as fate would have it, he never got to apologize for his emotionally charged behavior either. He was angry at the time, and his harsh words reflected that. Even though he was glad Kuroi took steps toward his independence, Cao didn't know how badly it would hurt when the other nation did break away from him.

Cao let out a bitter laugh, life was full of unexpected pain, wasn't it? He took another puff of the cigarette in his hand, thinking about how Kuroi would probably disapprove of the habit he picked up over the years.

It certainly wasn't as good as opium, but it kept his mind off of some things, which was good. Smoking couldn't really harm him either, he was immortal. As far as Cao was concerned, smoking had no down sides whatsoever. It felt good. It made him happy.

It was one good thing in his life.

He took another swig, continuing his recollection of past events.

After Kuroi left, World War 2 started. Kuroi had stabbed him and left a disfiguring scar on his body and Cao was never quite the same after that. He became more bitter and cynical, becoming paranoid about trusting the other nations.

He couldn't even bring himself to trust the other countries that fought by his side on the side of the Allied Forces. They were all imperialists, Cao knew they just wanted his land. That's pretty much what everyone wanted at the time. He sighed.

Maybe he should go into isolation. Then he wouldn't have to deal with people. He wouldn't have to deal with these complicated emotions like the ones he was feeling for Kuroi either.

Even though he didn't like Kuroi, he didn't really hate him either. Cao couldn't help but feel a closeness to Kuroi he couldn't share with the other nations and like an idiot, he tried to get closer to Kuroi.

His attempts at conversations were brushed off.

His looks were met with glares.

Any advance Cao tried to make were met with scorn and scowls.

And at some point, Cao grew some sort of common sense and stopped. Why keep pursuing someone who clearly didn't want you? Now that he thought about it, it didn't really matter what he felt toward Kuroi, it wouldn't change the Japanese man's feelings toward him.

After all, what could possibly overcome a centuries' worth of hatred in the making?

**And with that dose of angst, the story ends! Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it and remember, any kind of feedback is appreciated! **


End file.
